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Advocatie: Guilty Pleasures II

Okay, I’ll admit it; I’m completely passive-aggressive. But it is so satisfying sometimes when you don’t have the spine or the quick reflexes to really say or do something appropriate in the moment. And I do enjoy the creativity of delayed gratification. I may never win in the heat of battle, but I can still be evilly satisfied to feel like I outsmarted someone in the long run.

A few weeks ago I was waiting for a parking space at Walmart. Six days before Christmas. Primo spot, right in front by the door. I waited patiently because my son is wont to run about in the parking lot, so closer is worth the wait.

A woman pulled up next to me and blocked traffic to wait for MY space. I honked at her a few times, which resulted only in her pulling closer to the spot. I didn’t want to lose my cool with Sir Echolalia in the back seat so I snarked myself around to the other side and parked elsewhere.

The answer, of course, was to happen upon her in the grocery section and remove the ice cream bars and toilet paper from her cart. The absence of both— when she wants them—will hopefully be truly and equally disappointing.

Next, please bring back Ricky Gervais for the Golden Globes. He is always so deliciously mean to the Hollywood pampered and puffed-up, much to the delight of us folks at home.

The whole production this year was pretty lame to begin with (other than Tracee Ellis Ross) and after watching Meryl Streep blather on about Trump and call us all rednecks, I don’t know that I’ll enjoy her movies as much any more. I haven’t liked Laura Linney since she sucked up to Obama at the 2009 Emmys. It’s an awards show about entertainment, people! You don’t see politicians talking about “Transformers: Age of Extinction” in Congress do you? And they are so full of themselves, I’m afraid to watch awards shows any more. If Tom Mison or Jim Parsons start bashing the President, I’m going to lose interest in a lot of my favorite entertainment.

Which brings me to a potential guilt but definitely pleasure. I’m still young enough to have celebrity crushes. So on the off chance that any of them are ever bored enough to Google themselves, they will find their names on my “Hall Pass” list: Daniel Craig, Henry Cavill, Tom Ellis, Sean Bean, Karl Urban and Chris Hemsworth. Apparently I prefer ’em dark and with accents.

Last but not least, I think Donald Trump should be allowed to tweet. In the morning, in the evening and whenever he darn well pleases. For years we have been begging our government to be more transparent. Well folks, it don’t get much more clear than “right off the top of his head” commentary from our next President.

Enough with the focus groups for every sentence a public figure utters. It’s not like it has helped anyone ever escape scrutiny or criticism. At this point, if
Trump tweeted “The sunset was a beautiful shade of red tonight” someone in South Carolina would be angry that he must be an Alabama fan and doesn’t support the national champions.

So let him tweet. We already know he’s got no filter… for once, for better or worse, it’s nice to know what a politician really thinks.

Now that I’ve finished my rant, I’m going to curl up guilt-free with a gallon of chocolate ice cream and binge-watch “Lucifer” until I get a cavity.

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